Chapter 29
(4th February 2009):
Curses on Cannonballs
Happy
Birthday to me! Everybody wanted to get in on the act. My Westie girlfriends
Hollie and Daisy picked me up for a midnight walk in the freshly falling snow.
Cool way to begin a birthday. It even distracted me from thoughts of the big
bird resting in a laundry basket in my playpen in Gráinne’s car. Fluffy white
stuff that made my wheat-colored coat look dingy by comparison. But who could
see that in the dark? By the time we were finished plowing round the
In the
morning I got extra pats and cuddles for my birthday. Is that all? Oh, right,
there’s that bird in the car and he weighs more than I do! It’ll take me at
least two days to finish him off. Mummy got him out and stuffed him – make that
3 days - then he didn’t go in my bowl but into the oven! He struggled like I would
but with 4 hands they just barely got him in. I know he would have preferred to
go straight in my dish without passing through Hades. I wonder what he had done
to deserve that? Daddy threatened me with that place back in the days of
chapter 3.
Now Mummy had time for me and for my birthday walk. Off we went with my best friend Sammy
in 8 inches of sticky white gum under a clear blue sky. By the time we reached
the fields Mummy was pinching off the snowballs which I was storing on my legs
for a big snowball fight in case we met someone to clobber. By the end of the first field I knew I had made a mistake.
Those cannonballs were getting bigger and heavier. Finally I could hardly budge nor put my legs together like a lady. I asked Mummy to relieve me of the weight and she pinched and chipped as best she could wearing ski gloves. As soon as I took a step, it was all back on again. All that beautiful weather and all I could do was watch Sammy enviously as she tore through the snowy fields, circling and zig-zagging.
Eventually we decided to turn back, as there was no way I’d manage another hour of hop-hop-leap, Mummy, help! Finally Mummy realized that I had used up all my strength and was beginning to breathe hard. We compromised and she carried me
10 feet, I leaped three times, repeat. We needed another strategy, as Mummy was
weakening, too, carrying me and all those cannonballs. So when she threw me
over her shoulder like a sack of potatoes, I didn’t struggle a bit. Anything’s
better than having a heart attack.
Finally we
were back to the dirt road and Aunt Uschi called Daddy to come and pick us up
with my station wagon. Now even he was laughing at me. By the time we got home
the dark blue carpet of my playpen looked like the Arctic Ocean – ice floes
swimming in the dark blue water - and this time I was actually glad to see the
shower.
I had to
take a nap after our aborted adventure, while Mummy got Big Bird ready for my
dinner. When my birthday guests arrived, I was raring to go again. The last
ones to come were dressed up as the Indians who were invited by the Pilgrims.
What? Thanksgiving? Not Gráinne’s bird? Oh, poor sad doggie! At least I could
munch on a new bully stick next to the table while they massacred my bird.
Nobody complained about the smell and I got to share the pumpkin pie.